This blog has been for my English 101 class. It's been a learning experience for me. I've never really written anything before, but I think after doing it for a while I actually kind of enjoyed it. I've had a very strange life and have plenty to write about, but that's not always a good thing. There's a lot of stuff in my past that I'm not to proud about and sometimes could be a little awkward, especially with my wife reading some of it but their my sins and honesty is always the best medicine. Mrs. A said be careful don't invade your own privacy, I remember thinking whatever, I'm not easily embarrassed but there was times where I felt my skin crawl a little and I then knew exactly what she had meant. I think this project has helped me as a writer due to the learning how to group my thoughts and to throughout the day pondering on my ideas and compile all my thoughts as a whole. Granted I really dislike grammar and it gives me a headache thinking about where to use proper punctuation and grammar. I tend to drive people crazy with my disregard for punctuation. I always thought about writing a book about my life, lord knows it was crazy enough to be able to, not sure if anyone would have interest in reading it though. I think writing this has made me realize I would like to help troubled  kids but I don't know in what capacity. I would also be worried about exposing my family to someone who would be a unhealthy to there well being, but who knows what new opportunities may come in the future to maybe help. But overall this has been one of favorite classes. 

It was 2015 and currently I'm working as a QC/ maintenance Tech at a very large company in Springfield Mo. Hoping to some day get through school which I'm going for automotive technology and to someday open my own hot rod shop. I've never liked working for other people and the thought of being able to leave my kids a Business sounds awesome that's if that want it. But also the idea of instead of working life around work have it flipped and to work around life, granted owning my own Business would mean working more but at the same time to be able to have the freedom to make my own hours and to be able to eat with my family everyday and to go out and work after my kids go to bed just sounds like a win win for me. And let's face people have been getting rich from my hard work my whole life and it's my turn to shine. I guarantee that if when I'm able to hire my own employees I will treat them with respect and gratitude that I feel is missing from the work force these days. I've always enjoyed working with old cars and making modern updates that tie old into the new. I've enjoyed the education I've received and even I don't ever own my own shop I'm not a failure, I can look back and say what the hell I gave my best shot and In the end I'm going to die anyways so what do I have to lose. So let's roll the dice and see how this crazy life pans out. A Steve jobs quote I love (Stay hungry stay foolish) comes to mind and I live by this thinking. You say I'm a failure for trying, I say your one for never taking the chance. 

It was 2011 and I just went through a rather nasty divorce after 13 long horrible years. After years of letting my self go and spending years depressed I decided I would get back in shape and start to try and rebuild my life so I worked out constantly, and lived on turkey and chicken and high fiber bread. All the food I was eating would either boost  my metabolism or make me get rid of waste (poop). In 4 months I had lost 115 pounds and even started tanning. My X wife had multiple affairs that I hadn't known about and said she wanted to be with this other guy who was also married and had 3 small children. It was pretty funny after losing weight she would constantly hit on me, needless to say I was repulsed by her advances. I started dating again and was met with many surprises, I never knew that many crazy women existed. It was very discouraging on how many you could tell where untrustworthy and had no morals, after what I had been through I was very particular who I would even talk to and didn't want to waste my time with someone I couldn't trust. About the time I had given up I got a message on this dating site I was on and started talking to A single mother of two, she had been through some tough times and been single for quite a while as well. I could tell rite away that this person was different she was trustworthy and wasn't all the drama and bullshit I had seen in the past. We talked for about four weeks over the phone and then it was our first date, I don't think I've ever been that nervous before meeting someone. After a couple hours of being so nervous I could throw up we hit it off. It was funny she had said she was short but meeting her she was almost was looking me in the eye, I told her that she wasn't that short she stepped out of what looked to be platform shoes and sunk and good several inches. Still today she makes my heart beat faster and I'm madly in love.

It was August 6th 2012 and after 9 months of waiting it was time to meet my son and after spending the entire summer pregnant and at the end of term at that. We put up a pool that summer and while Haylee was pregnant we would sneak off after my two step sons went to bed and go for a dip up until a couple weeks before she was due it was too hard to get in and out then. We had to wake up early 4 am because at the time we lived in Aurora so it was a bit of a drive to Springfield to the hospital, Me and at the time 15 year old daughter Autum and Haylees mom was with us. Haylee had the tendency to have unusually huge babies for her small stature so she had my two stepsons by C section so Tristan was going to be the same. It was kinda neat seeing how this was procedure instead of a regular surprise birth they more less let us pick the day within a week of he due date so we chose my moms birthday seeing how it fit in this time frame and he ended being born 4 mins from the exact time my mom was born. The delivery was a somewhat of a violent process with a lot of tugging and pulling.  Let me tell you don't look over the curtain unless you want to see an autopsy of your wife. My son was finally here and oddly the one they thought was the largest of the babies was the smallest weighing in at 8pounds 15ounces was the runt of the babies which still is large baby. I was very proud of my wife, I could tell she tired and she had taken it like a champ and I learned that day how tough she was. My two sons and my daughter all held Tristan and my youngest step son being 3 at time insisted we put him back and it took some fierce negotiating to get him to understand. My children saved my life twice my daughter when I was 18 from my own self destruction and my son at 34 this time from losing all faith in humanity and to fix what I thought had been broken and was unrepairable. 

It was 2008 and I had bought a trailer with my now X wife Stacey. One night while working in the garage, Stacey had came into my shop with the phone and said Tristans cousin Forest was on the phone and need to talk to me. I hadn't talk to Tristan or Forest in 8 years, there was something in his voice that didn't sound right, he went on to tell me that Tristan had died. I don't think I had ever taken a loss so badly, I had never loss someone so sudden. I asked how he had died and was told he had been bitten by a pig-me rattlesnake and had went to the hospital and was sent home, but he did not respond to the anti venom like he should've and died at home with his wife and 3 kids. After this I located all mine and Tristans old friends to tell them the news and to keep more in touch with them, life is to short to take people for granted, I've learned this to many times. I felt bad for Tristans wife and kids so organized a party much like a wake and asked everyone to bring twenty dollars each to send to his wife to help in there troubled time. To this day I still talk to my old friends some who I've known for 30 years and with my current wife Haylee of 4 years had a son Tristan Jo named after my lost friend and my mother, he was born on my mothers birthday so I think there both smiling down us. 

It was the beginning part of 1998 and things couldn't have been any worse they admitted my mother into the hospital, they said they didn't think she would make it through the night so they called the whole family to say there goodbyes. I prayed more then I ever had before. This went on for two weeks the Hosptial would say every day they didn't expect her to make it the night. My mom had a very strong will to live that I don't think they where counting on. After the two weeks in ICU she got better and was moved to a regular room and for the next week someone would stay with her overnight. I went back to work I was out of time off and that weekend my dad was exhausted so I told him I would stay with her at the hospital it was Friday night. I worked second shift but I got off at 10 and was up there by 10:30, when I got there she was sleeping so my dad left an I was watching tv in the recliner. I glanced over and my mom was smiling at me I hadn't seen her smile in months. I will never forget that. I didn't know but this would be last time I would get to spend with my mother. After a long Wednesday night of fighting with Stacey and her using your cancer ridden bitch phrase in regards to my mom I was sleeping on the couch and I get the phone call a couple hours after getting to sleep that she had died. So the next couple days we where making arrangements. While at my aunts house Stacey starts to pipe up about the stuff she was wanting of my mothers and I bluntly told her not to fucking worry about it. My uncle smiled patted me on the back and said stick to your guns boy. All the mean shit that had ever been said to me I could forget but the things that came out of her mouth I will never forgive.

It was 1997 and life was an up hill battle. My marriage couldn't be any worse and I was spending my time on the couch when I was home and either at home or at the hospital. My mom was in and out of the hospital several times ether with complications or she would have to stay the weekend to get her injected chemotherapy that she would receive through a port they had put in her chest. Thanksgiving came and it was the worst one I ever had, we had it at my aunts house where my mom was staying and since the cancer had spread to her stomach she couldn't eat. So I spent most of my time visiting my mom but our visits where kinda one sided she had to have a tube put in her nose to drain bile out of her throat. So she wasn't  able to talk so she would listen to me ramble about her granddaughter and work and I had bought an old Camaro that I was working on. So when the family went to eat thanksgiving I wanted to dye inside thinking of my mom laying in the other room while the family ate and carried on. To this day I hate going in the room where my mom was. It wasn't long after this they brought hospice in and where trying to keep her comfortable. I have the upmost respect for my aunt and uncle who would help take care of her in there home no less. And my father who lived in a recliner for 3 years at her side. This part of my life I still have a hard time processing it was a lot of bad shit to happen at the age of 19. I  would sometimes get so stressed I would get hives all over my body and was on the verge of a breakdown.